This is step 6 of my patented 6-step series on How to OkCupid. This is the last step! It’s focused on getting away from the computer and meeting face to face.
Step 1: Get Out There
Step 2: Be Good-Looking!
Step 3: Be Interesting!
Step 4: Find Other Good-Looking, Interesting People!
Step 5: Make Contact!
Step 6: Date!
STEP 6: DATE!
Step 5 focused on sending an opening message. I don’t have much advice on sending followup messages beyond that, except that you should do it as little as possible. Because you’ve given as much information about yourself as possible in your profile, sending a few messages back and forth isn’t going to really let someone get to know you much better. If the other party’s profile is a little less informative, go ahead and see if you can get some more information, but if you know that you want to meet up with someone, go ahead and ask. You get a lot more information from a face-to-face meeting than you ever will from sending messages back and forth.
There’s always an exception for taste, however. Some people enjoy the messaging process, or are intimidated by the idea of meeting someone in person. Other times, you don’t live close enough to meet right away. If that applies to you, go ahead and message for as long as you want before meeting. But if your goal is to get to find people to date, then you should meet up as quickly as you can.
Once you’ve set up a date, then CONGRATULATIONS! You’re no longer dating online! The rest works just like irl dating, so I don’t have too much more advice for you. However, here are a few general tips:
- Meet somewhere public. You shouldn’t trust each other yet, and meeting in a public place lets you get a feel for each other people putting yourself in a vulnerable position.
- Keep it low pressure. Try to plan your date so that either party can leave whenever they want. Keep things flexible and open-ended. Don’t request a large time commitment.
- Be on time, and don’t flake at the last minute. Show the other party that you respect their time.
- Don’t force things. If it turns out you’re not as compatible as you thought, don’t sweat it. There are plenty of other people on the site.
- Don’t hold back. If you really like someone, tell them so. If you want to kiss, say so. Don’t be afraid to show some vulnerability.
- Practice consent culture. Notice I said to tell your date that you want to kiss, not to just lean in and do it. Make sure that whatever you’re doing, your date enthusiastically consents.
- Take rejection well. If it doesn’t work out, don’t be a dick stump!
So that’s it! Good luck out there, and remember that everyone is right for somebody, and often, several somebodies. Hopefully this will help you in identifying the people that match up best with you.
Copyright 2014 by Wesley Fenza
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