Fix Fertility by Reforming Immigration
The following is the transcript of my troop deployment (i.e. ending rant) from episode 108 of my news podcast The Mind Killer. If you like it, please consider subscribing to the podcast
Last episode, I proposed to fix the fertility crisis by convincing all the sexy women to sleep with married polyamorous dads. Since then, I spoke to all the sexy women, and it looks like it’s going to be a bit of a hard sell, so that’s going to have to be a long-term project. What do we do in the meantime? Easy - we import immigrants.
America has an advantage here because it’s the greatest country in the world and we have a nearly unlimited supply of people who want to move here. Other, more shitty countries don’t have this option, so they’ll need to think of something else. But there’s no reason a country as in-demand as America should have any problems maintaining our population.
Here’s my idea: Congress should pass a law creating an office whose job is to calculate the optimal national growth rate and age distribution. Every year, we compare the actual population to the optimal population, and we authorize immigrants of the proper age to fill the vacancies. This works on two levels. Straightforwardly, it solves the immediate problem of our age distribution not being ideal. But over the long term, it harnesses our natural xenophobia to turn the culture in a more pronatalist direction. If we wanted to be really serious about it, the initial authorization could be for permanent residency, but it converts to citizenship if you have 2 or more children.
Donald Trump’s popularity is due to a lot of factors, but chief among them is that he was the only person running for president who was openly hostile toward immigrants. He hates them. He wants to build a wall to keep them out! And America loves him for it. A good slice of the population really hates immigrants and wants to completely shut down the border. A certain segment of the country is very motivated to prevent immigration.
Currently, having a child is often viewed as a rather selfish thing to do. A family with lots of children is looked at as taking more than their fair share and burdening the rest of us with their self-indulgent desire for a legacy. Under my proposal, that family are heroes. Every additional child they have prevents another immigrant from coming to America and takin our jerrrbs. By far, the most straightforward and effective way to prevent immigration would be to have more children and support others having children. Over time, the culture shifts toward viewing procreation as a civic duty. Instead of “build the wall” it’s “have more babies.” Instead of mass deportations we’ll get a baby boom.
Even liberals, all else being equal, would mostly rather have an American baby than a new immigrant. Sure, there’s a segment of society who loves immigration and would feel virtuous going child-free because it will allow more immigrants in. And I’m happy for them! But that attitude will work itself out in a single generation.
Over time, either the culture shifts toward greater fecundity OR we increase immigration enough that low birthrates aren’t a problem. It’s a win-win! It doesn’t do much for the global fertility crisis, but America is a huge exporter of culture, so it’s possible that our baby boom will inspire the world. Or maybe not and then it’s up to you, sexy women! My DM’s are open.