Vote for Dean Phillips!

The following is the transcript of my troop deployment (i.e. ending rant) from episode 96 of my news podcast The Mind Killer. If you like it, please consider subscribing to the podcast

A few episodes ago, I did a troop deployment begging for someone to run against Joe Biden. Well I have good news! Someone is running against Joe Biden! His name is Dean Phillips. He’s a congressman from Minnesota, and his platform is basically what I said - Biden is fine, but he’s going to lose to Trump because he’s too damn old.

A few weeks ago, a poll came out showing that a Generic Democrat would crush Trump in the general election, outperforming Biden by 12 points. Well who could be more generic than Dean Phillips? He’s a 54-year-old white guy who got to Congress using the money from his stepdad’s liquor empire. His main accomplishment is that he ran an ice cream company. His grandmother is beloved American icon Dear Abby! Who doesn’t love booze, ice cream, and old ladies giving advice? And he has absolutely no policy positions other than “Biden is too old.” He’s perfect!

It’s often said that the greatest leaders don’t want to be leaders at all. Well, by all accounts, Dean Phillips doesn’t want to be president. He spent months trying to get one of the more high-profile candidates to run instead of him. He already missed the deadline to get his name on the Nevada ballot. He’s focusing his campaign on New Hampshire, which, due to its refusal to play ball with the Democrat’s preferred primary schedule, probably isn’t even going to get any delegates. I couldn’t even find his campaign website on Google. He calls his supporters the “Deanteam.” Does this sound like a man who actually wants to be president? 

No, it sounds like a hero who is reluctantly stepping up to prevent Trump from getting reelected. So if you’re registered as a Democrat, please vote for him in the primary. He’s our only hope.