The two genders differ in their interests a lot more than in their innate attributes. Differences in interest persist in very egalitarian societies even as the differences in attributes diminish. This creates weird mismatches. E.g. there are a lot more women who want to be submissive in bed than there are men who want to sexually dominate (Aella has some good polls on this). Or the average woman finds the average man disgusting while the average man finds the average woman attractive. These distortions lead to both genders (but especially women) valuing relatively rare traits to a significant degree. Social media exacerbates this, heightening these expectations. The less exclusive members of both genders are thus forced to imitate genetically luckier men and women by acting more dominant, getting plastic surgery, wearing shoes to enhance one’s height, signaling youth and/or wealth that they don’t necessarily possess, etc. I’d therefore wager that most women see asking a man out as settling for a less exclusive partner, someone who can’t even bring himself to signal dominance, interest, pursuit (stuff women love, as we know from their revealed preferences in literature like romance novels). I think it’s completely unrealistic to expect these norms to change. People are more likely to get themselves AI-bfs/gfs that play out their fantasies than to lower their standards to such a degree.
"I have yet to see anyone successfully defend communicating indirectly."
Really?
I consider the face-value defense: "Sometimes indirect communication is optimal for a given context" to be obviously true and not worth arguing.
But I'd probably even be interested defending a stronger version of the case: "Many relationships or cultures would be improved with more indirect communication norms at the margins"
The two genders differ in their interests a lot more than in their innate attributes. Differences in interest persist in very egalitarian societies even as the differences in attributes diminish. This creates weird mismatches. E.g. there are a lot more women who want to be submissive in bed than there are men who want to sexually dominate (Aella has some good polls on this). Or the average woman finds the average man disgusting while the average man finds the average woman attractive. These distortions lead to both genders (but especially women) valuing relatively rare traits to a significant degree. Social media exacerbates this, heightening these expectations. The less exclusive members of both genders are thus forced to imitate genetically luckier men and women by acting more dominant, getting plastic surgery, wearing shoes to enhance one’s height, signaling youth and/or wealth that they don’t necessarily possess, etc. I’d therefore wager that most women see asking a man out as settling for a less exclusive partner, someone who can’t even bring himself to signal dominance, interest, pursuit (stuff women love, as we know from their revealed preferences in literature like romance novels). I think it’s completely unrealistic to expect these norms to change. People are more likely to get themselves AI-bfs/gfs that play out their fantasies than to lower their standards to such a degree.
"I have yet to see anyone successfully defend communicating indirectly."
Really?
I consider the face-value defense: "Sometimes indirect communication is optimal for a given context" to be obviously true and not worth arguing.
But I'd probably even be interested defending a stronger version of the case: "Many relationships or cultures would be improved with more indirect communication norms at the margins"
I'd be interested in reading that defense
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